Gwyneth Pearson
LI222
Dr. Raschke
Narcissism, as defined by Mayo Clinic, is “a mental condition in which people have
an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” In daily life, we see traits that mimic narcissism in people are not actually narcissists, but we also see these behaviors in actual narcissists more than we think. Now, having narcissism does not make an individual automatically a bad person. Though, if unchecked and untreated, can cause harm to themselves and others. When speaking of narcissism as a trait rather than the mental illness, we see it within the basis of many societies, religions, institutions, and often, the roots of this narcissism reach the foundations of our daily lives.
In “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?”, Connie is a typical self-absorbed teenage girl who is oblivious to the realities of the world. Many times throughout the story, we get insight into Connie’s thoughts that seem narcissistic, such as her obsession with her looks and believing that her mother preferred her over her sister because Connie was prettier. Though, this is not true narcissism, this is just a young girl learning the complexities of life and trying to find something about herself to love. These self-centered thoughts are normal within teenagers. With more careful observation, we can see that she is actually a prime victim of narcissists with bad intentions. She has a deep craving for love, which we know from the insight of how she daydreams of romance. She is an overall innocent girl, who has obviously rebelled to some extent, but not in a manner that is unnormal. On top of that, she has a mother she can never do good enough for and a father that never seems to be around. This is a trope we often see in literature and real life: a pretty teen girl, her yearning for love or acceptance, a home she isn’t happy within, and an older guy with narcissistic problems.
This guy with narcissistic problems, Arnold Friend, is a perfect example of someone with pure narcissistic personality disorder. He shows up to her home unannounced and tries to “take her out on a ride.” Though, he had no intentions of just taking her on a ride. He was going to rape her. He started out with calling her cute, finding ways to keep her interested and engaging. Arnold did everything he could to make himself seem charming. Then, he started insinuating what she would decide, and as she simply thought it was men being determined and assertive as she may have been exposed to, she gave him the benefit of the doubt until she could no longer. He tried to persuade her into getting in his car, her consent never mattered. Obviously, he had been doing some stalking, because he knew her name without ever mentioning it beforehand, knew when her family was absent, and knew they would be gone for enough time for him to carry out his demented plans. Connie noticed he was much older than her, to an inappropriate extent, and he lied about his age.
Throughout Connie’s exchange with Arnold Friend, she grows from suspicious to faint with anxiety. She feels the fear and unnerve building, but her yearning for love kept her somewhat curious of Arnold, as her innocence had never experienced a person with such perverse intentions. By the point Arnold becomes angry and Connie’s gut instinct is screaming at her to get out of the situation, he says “Yes. I’m your lover. You don’t know this but you will… I know all about you. But look: it’s real nice and you couldn’t ask for nobody better than me, or more polite. I always keep my word. I’ll tell you how it is, I’m always nice at first, the first time. I’ll hold you so tight you won’t think you have to try to get away or pretend anything because you’ll know you can’t. And I’ll come inside you where it’s all secret and you’ll know you can’t. And I’ll come inside you where it’s all secret and you’ll give in to me and you’ll love me.”
Connie told him to get the hell out. Though, by that point, her shaky words mixed with shock, disgust, and fear would be of no deterrence. Even after his disgusting comments, he seeks her validation and acceptance, but not in any manner different from before. “You come out here like a nice lady and give me your hand, and nobody else gets hurt. I mean, your nice old bald-headed daddy and your mummy and your sister in her high heels. Because listen: why bring them into this?” Arnold says, instilling fear of harm to Connie’s loved one. She would then proceed to attempt to call the police, but with no success. At the end of everything, he had her, and there was no other way the interaction was going to end.
Arnold Friend, like stated before, has narcissistic personality disorder. He sees something he wants, does what he can to make himself cooler and more likeable, but even if he isn’t accepted, well, that simply isn’t an option for others. You WILL love him, you WILL listen to him, his word is above others. Whether this trope is marketed by a smart, patient narcissist willing to put in the time to mask his disorder so well that even he/she cannot recognize the manipulation or presented by a foolish, impulsive narcissist who only cares about getting their desires, you have no choice in the end… their perception, desires, and wants will always matter more than your needs.
We see this within our political systems. Our leaders are supposed to represent us, but often get lost within their power and fail to represent the people. We see this mostly in political parties, as each party has so much self-centeredness that they cannot work together. It is ONLY what THEY want, anything else is simply not going to work. No way could the other side POSSIBLY be even halfway correct, because they did X,Y,Z at one point or another. On top of it existing within the parties, we see it within workplaces too frequently, keeping people from enjoying their everyday lives. If a person isn’t the manager or the boss, their amount of power and control over their own personal lives is established by their job. Even though that company is hiring that person for their services or skills, they have control over their schedules and time, because if the employee dislikes the decision of the boss, they can just go broke. There is no better option than to submit to the expectations, regardless of how it affects your mental health and life, because you have to pay bills. Of course, you could start your own business, but how much money in loans would you need to take out? Could you feed your family whilst taking the time to start the business up? What if the business fails, and now you’re thousands of dollars in debt with an empty fridge?
Narcissism is a serious disorder and instills fear and a sense of power over others to belittle them. We see this in workplaces, relationships, and even within the democracy of our country. Though, education on not only the disorder but it’s traits, and how those traits can manifest in things that are not necessarily human, can help stop the amount of Connie’s we see today.
Works Cited
Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. (2017, November 18). Narcissistic
personality disorder. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved March 25, 2022, from
disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662
Oates, J.C., & Showalter, E. (1994). “Where are you going, where have you been?”. New
Brunswick, N.J.: Rutgers University Press.
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